Heights of Cross selling - #IRCTC!

IRCTC is now no longer selling train tickets only.... but also flight and train... :)

have 2 employees - you need a server - according to #Dell

I came across this rather interesting article published by dell, targeted at the SMB market.

http://tinyurl.com/3yu2ell

Ten Signs That You Need a Server

If you’re a small or medium business owner with more than one computer, it’s time to consider investing in a server. A server will keep your data secure and organized and will help you run your business more efficiently and professionally. If you’ve reached one of the 10 thresholds below, a server could do your business a world of good:

1. You Have More Than Two Business Computers

The bottom line is, if you need two or more computers in your business, then it’s time for a server. By storing and organizing data in a core location, you’ll be able to access and share files easily and manage business information more efficiently.

2. You Have More Than One Employee

A server enables your employees to share software tools and access company databases on-site and off-site. As your business grows, you’ll be able to better manage additional computers and software applications and better control which employees and devices have access to certain information.

3. Your Customers Think Your Business Is Owned by Go Daddy

If you’re still using a Web site hosting company like Go Daddy®, then it’s time to upgrade to your own server. Hosting your own Web site and email system presents a more professional image and enables you to conduct business more easily by consolidating email accounts.

4. You or Your Employees Conduct Business Outside the Office

If you work from home, travel frequently or have a mobile workforce, a server will allow you and your employees to remotely connect to your company network and access information and resources no matter where you are.

5. You’re Tripping Over Cords

If you have two or more computers that share access to peripherals, such as printers and fax machines, it’s time for a server. Not only will a server help you eliminate the mess of excess cords, it'll also help you save the cost of buying them.

6. You Can Never Find That Master Document When You Need It

If you share documents between multiple computers, you run the risk of losing important files and of having multiple versions of vital documents. A server will help you manage your files and provide a centralized location for you to store and organize important documents, so that you always have access to what you need, when you need it.

7. Your PCs Are Old and Grumpy

Whether you want to replace your old PCs or help them function better, a server can help you. A server makes the migration of files from an old PC to a new one a cinch, and freeing up memory and storage offers a welcome break to older PCs that are loaded down with data.

8. Your Computer Crashed and You Lost Critical Data

If you have valuable files and data that can’t be replaced, a server will help protect them from loss and corruption. You’ll be able to back up information easily and restore files that were accidentally deleted or misplaced. You’ll almost never have to worry about a crashed hard drive wiping out your system again.

9. You Want to Protect Information from Unauthorized Users

A server will allow you to restrict access to sensitive information, such as financial records and personnel information, by storing it away from prying eyes. It will also allow you to better manage firewalls and virus protection, especially when you have a mobile workforce.

10. You Want to Improve Communication with Employees and Customers

A server enables you to easily add platforms — such as customer relationship management (CRM) software and accounting programs — which allow you to schedule group meetings, share information, and manage clients and vendors. It also allows your employees to send group emails and faxes, and organize customer contacts and customer data in one location.

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personally - i think its a cunning ploy to scare people into buying unecessary infrastructure. While the world and its neighbor is moving towards hosted services and clouds, pushing a first time business owner to install a server simply because there are two employees is sad and moreover pathetic.

Windows it pushing that the file share services is good, where you can share folders etc, so why invest in a server?

The points outlined in the article show that a company / startup / small business should first look at hosted services and then when they are too big for hosted services - they should invest in their own infrastructure. instead the article has flipped the schema the other way and proposes own infrastructure from the beginning! WTF?

Finally - reasons to dump #windows and move to #linux

http://www.cio.in/node/6258/nl

Taken from the CIO website - linky above.

What's your excuse for sticking with Windows? Here's why there's never been a better time to get rid of it.

Now is a particularly good time to ditch Windows for good, for workstations as well as servers. For instance, now that Microsoft stopped supporting Windows Server 2003 on July 13, you'll need to find something different to use for your servers. Whether it's switching from Windows Server 2003 to 2008 or to Linux-based servers--or changing out tired and faulty Windows Vista desktops for the alien Windows 7 or something more user-friendly--Linux provides you with freedom and freedom of choice.
You might believe that dumping Windows and switching to Linux is a difficult task, but the change in thought and the perception of that switch are the most difficult. If you've attempted an upgrade from Windows XP to Windows 7, you know what pain is.

Business owners find that Linux, for what was once a "niche" operating system, provides the necessary components and services on which many rely. Linux continues its entry into the world's largest data centers, onto hundreds of thousands of individual desktops, and it represents a near 100 percent domination of the cloud services industry. Take the time to discover Linux and use it in your business. Here are ten reasons to give Linux at least a second look:
1. Commercial Support

In the past, businesses used the lack of commercial support as the main reason for staying with Windows. Red Hat, Novell and Canonical, the "big three" commercial Linux providers, have put this fear to rest. Each of these companies offers 24x7x365 support for your mission-critical applications and business services.
2. .NET Support

Businesses that have standardized on Microsoft technology, specifically their .NET web technology, can rely on Linux for support of those same .NET applications. Novell owns and supports the Mono project that maintains .NET compatibility. One of the Mono project's goals is to provide businesses the ability to make a choice and to resist vendor lock-in. Additionally, the Mono project offers Visual Studio plugins so that .NET developers can easily transfer Windows-based .NET applications without changing their familiar development tools. Why would Novell and others put forth the effort to create a .NET environment for Linux? For real .NET application stability, Linux is a better choice than Windows.
3. Unix Uptimes

Linux stability offers business owners the peace of mind that their applications won't suffer lengthy outages due to operating system instability. Linux enjoys the same high uptimes (often measured in years) that its Unix cousins do. This stability means that Linux can support your "99.999 percent available" service requirements. Rebooting after every patch, service pack, or driver change makes Windows an unstable and unreliable choice for those who need nonstop support for their critical applications and services.

4. Security

No operating system is 100 percent secure and Linux is no exception. But, Linux offers excellent security for its users. From regular kernel updates to an almost daily list of security patches, Linux code maintainers keep Linux systems very secure. Business owners who rely on commercially supported Linux systems will have access to every available security fix. With Linux, you have a worldwide community providing security fixes, not a single company with closed source code. You are completely dependent on the response of one company to provide you with timely security fixes when you use Windows.

5. Transferable skills

One barrier to Linux adoption was the idea that Linux isn't enough like Unix, and therefore Unix administrators couldn't successfully use their knowledge when making the switch to Linux. The Linux filesystem layout looks like any commercial version of Unix. Linux also uses a standard set of Unix commands. There are some Linux commands that do not transfer, but this is also true of any version of Unix.

Windows administrators might find that using a keyboard instead of a mouse is a difficult part of the transition, but once they discover the power of the command line, they might never click again. Don't worry, though, for you GUI-bound Windows types, Linux has several desktop managers from which to choose--not just one.

6. Commodity hardware

Business owners will like the fact that their "out-of-date" systems will still run Linux and run it well. Fortunately for Linux adopters, there's no hardware upgrade madness that follows every new version of the software that's released. Linux runs on x86 32-bit and 64-bit architectures. If your system runs Windows, it will run Linux.

7. Linux is free

You may have heard that Linux is free. It is. Linux is free of charge and it is free in the sense that it is also free of patents and other restrictions that make it unwieldy for creative business owners who wish to edit and enhance the source code. This ability to innovate with Linux has helped create companies like Google, who have taken that ability and converted it into big business. Linux is free, as in freedom.

8. Worldwide community

Linux has the support of a worldwide community of developers who contribute to the source code, security fixes and system enhancements. This active community also provides businesses with free support through forums and community sites. This distributed community gives peace of mind to Linux users, because there's no single point of failure and no single source for Linux support or development.
9. Linux Foundation

The Linux Foundation is a corporate collective of platinum supporters (Fujitsu, Hitachi, HP, IBM, Intel, NEC, Novell and Oracle) and members who, through donations and membership dues, sponsor Linus Torvalds and others who work on Linux full time. Their purpose is to "promote, protect and standardize Linux to fuel its growth around the world." It is the primary source for all things Linux. The Linux Foundation is a big positive for Linux users and adopters because its existence assures continued development of Linux.
10. Regular Updates

Are you tired of waiting for a Windows service pack every 18 months? Are you also tired of the difficulty in upgrading your Windows systems every few years because there's no clear upgrade path? (Ubuntu Linux offers new, improved versions every six months) and long-term support (LTS) versions every two years. Every Linux distribution offers regular updates of its packages and sources several times per year and security fixes as needed. You can leave any upgrade angst in your officially licensed copy of Windows because it's easy to upgrade and update Linux. And, the best part? No reboot required.
If you'd like to give Linux a try, there are several distributions that are free to download and use without the need for any commercial support contract:

• CentOS -- Red Hat Enterprise Linux-based free distribution
• Ubuntu -- Free, enterprise Linux distribution (Commercial support available).
• Fedora -- The Fedora Project is the free, community-supported version of Red Hat Linux.
• OpenSUSE -- The free, community-supported version of Novell's SUSE Linux.
• Debian -- The parent distribution for many Linux distributions including Ubuntu and Linux Mint.
You can find information regarding switching from Windows to Linux through the Linux Foundation or any of its platinum members. When it comes to increasing your efficiency, saving money, and providing non-stop services to your business and its customers, how many reasons do you need?

This post has been copied from the CIO website, if it is in violation please contact me and I will take it down immediately.

ive lost!

the doctors told me that i need to lose a significant amount of weight. so i went on this excercise routing, where i did loose a lot of fat first. So after mch stress and hard work, this is how i looked

To boost that, i fell ill, and lost even more weight. :) so this is how i look now.

I married superwoman!

Over the last two weeks, things have been on a bit of a roller coaster for me, in the health department specifically. Been battling fever every now and then, and finally i got run down by the fever bus. But all through this this, my wife has been awesomely supportive and not a hint of anger, frustration or even angst about how my health was going. She patiently drove me to the doctors, gave me cold compresses and gave me "healthy food", usually making it specifically for me. When I had to finally get admitted to the hospital, I did feel a sense of relief, with the fact that she can now relax and there were nurses to run around and take care of me. But yet, she spent the nights in the hospital, and went to work during the week, and followed the whole routine.

I came back home on Saturday, and i was most worried about being a burden on my wife, but i was most amazed with the energy with which she handled everything, and had the energy for more. Making juice, food, bringing me the tabs. etc etc. One thing typhoid (or whatever I am suffering from) does is drain you so bad that brushing your teeth looks like a herculean task. So with the way I see her zipping around, only two things come to mind,

a) Thank you god for giving me such an awesome life companion and
b) I married superwoman! :)

#Kites- A #review

Kites - i did not get too many positive reviews on the movie, so i thought i might just give it a skip, but then tata sky decided to feature it on showcase and for 75 bucks, i got to watch it, cheaper than buying a DVD and much cheaper than watching it in the theater, plus its legal - so i can relax! :)

At first i thought, how would they make a Spanish woman talk hindi - and with her saying "Mey ullu ki patti hu" was hilarious, but very nicely done, i must comment.

Though the end was a bit depressing, I would have preferred an end where "they live happily ever after" but in this case they live in the happily ever after. The baddies play some crazy baddies. the best part was it was a short movie, and it did not seem to drag. no song dance in the meadows with hero and heroine running towards each other. Rain dance happened, but it was classy.

The cinematography was interesting, with some different lighting angles and shots. The car chase scenes were interesting, though copied from a wide selection of movies, the jumping onto the balloon and jumping off into the lake, as far as i remember - a first for a Desi flick.

None the less, a good entertainer. Kudos to the team.

the most idiotic holdup! Watch and enjoy!

Man walks in, pulls out gun, throws bag on table to fill.
but is ignored.
man leaves.
I cant seem to find the linky for the video directly- so please watch it on the Mirror website:

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2010/06/02/is-this-the-world-s-most-pathetic-hold-up-watch-the-video-115875-22303415/

Limca Advert song!

Found the song finally on the internet. Not great quality recording, but none the less - the songs here!

limca ad song complete mp3 | lyrics

free music downloads | music videos | pictures

#Ad #Review - #LMN

I recently caught a review of the new set of LMN TVCs on Agency FAQs a premier provider of advertising content in India (as they say, 2nd only to brand channel which is a huge thing). I decided to check out the ads after reading the review and was sadly disappointed.

The first TVC that was brought out was about the person who was thirsty and was really small, and he becomes big after drinking LMN, Now this TVC, initially made no sense what so ever, but then it sticks to your head. Parle seems to be good at commissioning creative ads, but the disconnect comes with the distribution, as it has been clearly outlined by the smart chips. The TVC is brilliant with Aamir Khan displaying some really cool parkour moves, but then if you go to the shop to pick up a packet of smart chips - its not available on the shelves. So ideally, a campaign with a national foot print should infact be supported by the necessary distribution network to enable the customer to exercise the buying decision.

Back to the LMN advert, the new set of adverts is disappointing.

Firstly, as creative as these might be, I personally believe that the closure is not happening in the ad. I dislike limca as it is way to carbonated for my liking, but the advert is something that sticks to my mind. You drink it you get refreshed. This coupled with some catchy tunes makes it a killer. The first LMN advert conveyed that point, you drink it you get refreshed, however, the new set of bushmen ads fails to send home that message - LMN is what you drink if you are thirsty. The ad establishes the thirst angle, but it fails to convey that message of refreshment achieved by consuming the drink when one is that thirsty.

catch more reviews here:
http://www.afaqs.com/perl/news/story.html?sid=27029

#virgin Mobile ads

A friend sent me these ads to add cheer to a monday morning and Oh! boy! it did.

Watch the set of ads - and Laugh your ass off! :)





Set 2



Set 3

Intel hots up the mobile computing platform

It looks like hand helds are the way forward. with intel making a big push, its time people sat up and took notice. With the intels atom processor, first made for netbooks, then moved to the ULCC and now finally to the handheld. Intel is taking ARM and TI head on.

From V3.co.uk

Intel has begun a greater push into the mobile device market with new versions of its Atom processor that cut energy consumption sufficiently to fit inside a smartphone or web tablet, while offering greater performance than ARM-based chips, according to the firm.

Announced today, the Intel Atom Z6xx series forms part of Intel's Moorestown platform, and offers a claimed 50-fold reduction in power consumption compared with the previous generation of Atom chips.

Intel said that this is low enough for them to power a mobile handset and offer a battery life comparable to current smartphones.

However, the chipmaker also claimed that its new platform offers a greater level of performance than ARM-based designs for running applications, browsing the web, and video and graphics. Intel also touted compatibility with its other x86 chips as a major advantage for software developers.

Rod O'Shea, director of Intel's embedded group for EMEA, commented that smartphones are just "computers that happen to make phone calls", and that the technology shown today "hits the sweet spot for this environment".

Devices based on the platform are set to ship in the second half of 2010, according to Intel, but the firm declined to name any vendor aiming to market an Atom-based smartphone within this timeframe. However, Intel did demonstrate to the press a reference handset design running Moblin, alongside a larger 7in tablet system from OpenPeak.

The phone, bearing an Aavamobile badge, was shown running the Quake 3 game in one demonstration, and multi-tasking with a movie playing alongside a running 3D benchmark, and a live video feed open in adjacent windows in another. Previously codenamed Lincroft, the Atom Z6xx series divides into separate chips aimed at smartphones and tablets. The smartphone chips have clock speeds up to 1.5GHz and use low-power LPDDR memory, while those targeting tablet dev ices run at up to 1.9GHz and support standard DDR2.

Both have built-in PowerVR 3D graphics acceleration, plus hardware acceleration for video encoding and decoding. In fact, Intel claimed that Moorestown is the only smartphone platform capable of handling high-definition 1080p video.

Design features helping to save power include new ultra-low power idle states, Operating System Power Management (OSPM), and a technology called Intel Burst Performance, which is similar to the Turbo mode on Intel's Core chips.

OSPM uses an operating system-level utility to monitor which functional blocks of the processor are not being used, and powers these off completely.

Meanwhile, power consumption while idle is reduced to about 100 microwatts in the new SOi3 power state. More importantly, the Atom can come out of this in just a few milliseconds, according to Intel, so that it can 'wake up' to deal with an incoming call, for example.

Intel Burst Performance bumps up the performance of the chip so that it spends as little time as possible in maximum power mode, according to Tikky Thakkar, Intel Fellow at the firm's Ultra Mobility Group.

"It allows us to complete work very quickly and then go back to idle mode," he said, adding that it is like "having your cake and eating it. You can have high performance and reduce overall energy."

A companion chip, the MP20 Platform Controller Hub, lumps together numerous miscellaneous functions, dubbed 'jellybeans' by Intel, such as the system controller, camera support, audio engine and hardware cryptography acceleration. Taken together, these features mean that an Atom-based handset can have a battery life of over 10 days while idle, or four to five hours while showing video or browsing the web, according to Intel.

At the same time, the Atom processor outperforms existing phone chips, and Intel quoted SpecInt 2000 benchmarks that rate it between 1.5 to three times faster than ARM-based chips such as the Cortex A9 and A8 and Qualcomm's Scorpion processor.

Intel is thus looking to take some of ARM's share in the smartphone market, and experts believe that it does have an opportunity to muscle in at the high end. There's certainly an opportunity for Intel if it can offer better performance," said Ovum principal analyst Adam Leach.

However, Leach suggested that Intel "faces an uphill battle" because ARM has been in this market for so long, and its chips are optimised to maximise performance and power efficiency.

"Intel claims huge strides here, but we will have to see products in the market before we can judge," he said.

Meanwhile, Tim Coulling of research firm Canalys said that Intel's platform could benefit from the advantage of familiarity for developers. "What Intel always says is that it brings developers to the game, and enables developers familiar with the x86 architecture to bring their expertise to new platforms," he said.

Another issue is that many of the most common mobile platforms are coded for the ARM platform, while Intel can count only on Google's Android and its own Linux-based Moblin/Meego platform so far. But Coulling said that most users "don't really know or care what is on their phone", and speculated that Intel might try to take advantage of its 'Intel Inside' marketing that has proved a success with PCs and laptops.

"It will be interesting to see if they try and transfer that to other devices," he said.

of cracks and surround!

Now a days, I have managed to make my life fairly regular when it comes to going to the Gym. I wake up, drop my wife off, and try and clock atleast an hour each day. Yes, health has taken a priority, and it is in my best interest to make sure I am able to allocate time to do this. So, the days that i do visit the gym, something or the other should happen, else woulnt it make life boring? it will then become a scene from Joe vs the volcano, where you live your life as a mindless drone, walking, talking and doing the exact same thing on the exact same moment, Every day.

The last serious entertainment at the gym happened with mr. testosterone and the russian water ballet movement in front of the mirror. Which is interesting to note, that I have not seen him for a while now. Yes, I am rather regular to make the statement with a sense of authority, yup, have not seen him for a while. I think he ran out of white socks that came upto his shorts.

Well, like with every gym, the one i frequent has mirrors on all walls, now I thought this was simply because of the fact that everyone who visits the gym, would like to admire themselves to no effect. But, the truth is far from that. Apparently, when you see yourself doing exercise, its like watching someone else do it, so you end up keeping yourself company, what a sad world we have come to, when the only person in a room full of people to keep you company is yourself. Wow!

What is the flypside of having mirrors all over? Whatever happens, gets reflected all around you - thus the surround concept. Its like a page out of the Enter the Dragon movie, in the house of mirrors, but a lot more disturbing. Esp when people bend over and their pants dont cover.. its terrible and disturbing. Might be classified as one of those `scaring for life` moments! :)

I wonder if someone will ever create a rule for the gym, along with shoes and clean socks, one should ensure your pants cover that crack! Else, some people will be worried that evertime someone in fron bends down, you get a halfmoon! :)

ESMA for IT?

Today's paper carried an article - http://www.livemint.com/2010/05/04155853/What-is-Esma.html?h=E

About the AP government bringing the IT sector under the purview of ESMA or Essential Services Maintenance Act - now this is rather scary.

As one manager from a company has been quoted as saying:

”[W]hat this means for employees is that they cannot resort to strikes. Also, they cannot cite bandhs or a curfew as an excuse not to report to work. Moreover, companies which depend heavily on outside transport providers had to bear the brunt as the transport services were hit during a bandh or a curfew.”


ESMA needs to be invoked in the event that larger establishments like truckers unions, ATC etc which, if they go on strike will bring hardship to the common man, however, with the IT sector coming into this, it is both pointless and another step towards draconian measures that are being taken to ensure that the golden goose is squeezed till the last egg drops. When has it been in the past where the IT sector has called a `strike` ? there are strict rules in anyones offer letters about forming or even joining unions, and this is to prevent the exact same thing from happening. There are a lot of injustices being meted out to employees, yes, there are cushy jobs, high salaries but the work timings are crazy and equality is non existent.

I dont think its correct to bring the IT Sector under the purview of ESMA. Period! how is it that if a bandh is called, the government can invoke ESMA for the IT Sector? that means the government must then ensure that no bandh is called, else it will make it impossible for them to work. I think its crazy involving the IT sector under ESMA.

This is where the #stella Awards stemmed from! #Joke!

interesting #statistics

I was going through some reports on the locations from where people have accessed my blog! very interesting! :)

Mr. V - thanks for visiting from Switzerland!

India (IN)
United States (US)
United Kingdom (GB)
Europe (EU)
Canada (CA)
Russian Federation (RU)
Singapore (SG)
Switzerland (CH)
Asia/Pacific Region (AP)
Australia (AU)
Turkey (TR)
Bahrain (BH)
Germany (DE)
Malaysia (MY)
Netherlands (NL)
Slovakia (SK)
France (FR)
Ukraine (UA)
Japan (JP)
Vietnam (VN)
Sri Lanka (LK)
Brazil (BR)
Hong Kong (HK)
Egypt (EG)
Greece (GR)
Korea, Republic of (KR)
Serbia (RS)

How to make your parents like your choice of bride! :) #hillarious!

How to make your parents like your choice of bride! :)
__________________________________________________
DISCLAIMER-
I received this as an email forward, this is not my work but that of someone else. That said, if the original writer wishes me to take this down, I will do so immediately. Please message me to do the same. Till such times, enjoy the post.
___________________________________________________

Grandmother was pretending to be lost in prayer, but her prayer-beads were pulling at top speed. That meant she was either excited or upset.
Mother put the receiver down.

"Some American girl in his office. She's coming to stay with us for a week." She sounded as if she had a deep foreboding.

Father had no such doubt. He knew the worst was to come. He had been matching horoscopes for a year, but my brother Vivek had found a million excuses for not being able to visit India, meet or call any of the short-listed Aiyer girls, or in any other way advance father's cause. Father always wore two parallel lines of sacred ash on his forehead. Now there were four, so deep were the furrows of worry on his forehead.

I sat in a corner, supposedly lost in a book, but furiously text-messaging my brother with a vivid description of the scene before me.
A few days later I stood outside the airport with father. He tried not to look directly at any American woman going past. I held up the card reading "Barbara".
Finally a large woman stepped out, waved wildly and shouted "Hi! Mr. Aayyyer, how ARE you?"

Everyone turned and looked at us. Father shrank visibly before my eyes. Barbara took three long steps and held father in a tight embrace. Father's jiggling out of it was too funny to watch. I could hear him whispering "Shivva, Shivva, Narayana."
She shouted "you must be Vijaantee?"

"Yes, Vyjayanthi", I said with a pleasant smile. I imagined little, half-Indian children to be born calling me "Vijaantee aunty." Suddenly, my colourless existence in Madurai had perked up. For at least the next one week, life promised to be quite exciting.

Soon we were having lunch together at home. Barbara had changed into an even shorter skirt. The low neckline of her blouse was just in line with shocked father's eyes. He was scowling at mother as if she was the cause of all problems in the family.
Barbara was asking, "You only have vegetarian food? Always??" as if the idea was shocking to her.

"You know what really goes well with Indian food, especially chicken? Indian beer!" she said with a smile, seemingly oblivious of the apoplexy of the gentleman sitting in front of her or the choking sounds coming from mother. I muffled my giggles. Everyone tried to get the facts without asking the one question on all our minds: What was the exact nature of the relationship between Vivek and Barbara?

After lunch, she brought out a laptop computer. "I have some pictures of Vivek", she said.

All of us crowded around her. The first picture was quite innocuous. Vivek was wearing shorts and standing alone on the beach. In the next photo, he had Barbara draped all over him. She was wearing a skimpy bikini and leaning across, with her hand lovingly circling his neck.

Father got up and flicked the thin towel off his shoulder. It was a gesture we in the family had learned to fear. He rushed to the door and went out.

Barbara said, "It must be hard for Mr. Aayyezh. He must be missing his son."

We didn't have the heart to tell her that if the son had been within father’s reach, father would have wrung the neck she had lovingly circled with her hand in the photo.
My parents and grandmother apparently had reached an unspoken agreement. They would deal with Vivek later. Right now, Barbara was a foreigner, a lone woman, and needed to be treated as an honored guest. It must be said that Barbara didn't make that one bit easy. Soon mother wore a perpetual frown. Father looked as though he was destined to pay for his Karma.

Vivek had said he would be in a conference in Guatemala all week, and would be off both phone and email. But Barbara had long lovey-dovey conversations on phone with two other men, one man named Steve and another named Keith. We all strained our ears to hear every interesting word. "I miss you!" she said to both. She also kept talking to us about Vivek and about the places they'd visited together. She had pictures to prove it, too.

This was the best play I'd watched in a long time. It was even better than the day my cousin ran away with a Telugu Christian girl. My aunt had come howling through the door, and made it to the plush sofa before falling in a faint.
Father said that if it had been his son, the door would have been forever shut in his face.

Aunt had promptly revived and said, "You'll know when it is your son!" How my aunt would rejoice if she knew of Barbara!

On day five of her visit, the family awoke to the awful sound of Barbara's retching. The bathroom door was shut, the water was running, but far louder was the sound of Barbara crying and throwing up at the same time. Mother and grandmother exchanged ominous glances. Barbara came out. Her face was red.

"I don't know why", she said, "but I feel queasy in the mornings now."
If she had seen as many Indian movies as I'd seen, she'd know why. Mother was standing as if turned to stone. Was she supposed to react with compassion reserved for a pregnant woman? Or with the criticism reserved for a pregnant unmarried woman? Or with fear reserved for a pregnant, unmarried, foreign woman who could embroil one's son in a paternity suit? Mother, who navigated familiar flows of married life with the skill of a champion oarsman, now seemed completely taken off her moorings. She seemed to hope that if she didn't react, it might disappear like a bad dream.
I made a mental note to not leave home at all for the next week. Whatever my parents would say to Vivek when they finally got a-hold of him would be too interesting to miss. To my dismay, they never got a chance.

The day Barbara was to leave, we got a short email from Vivek. "Sorry, still stuck in Guatemala. Just wanted to mention, another friend of mine, Sameera Sheikh needs a place to stay. She'll fly in from Hyderabad tomorrow at 10am. Sorry for the trouble."
So there we were, father and I, waiting outside the airport with a board painted in thick felt pen: "Sameera".

At last, a pretty young woman in salwar-khameez saw the board, gave the smallest of smiles and walked quietly towards us. When she did 'Namaste' to father, I saw his eyes mist up. She took my hand in the friendliest way and said "Hello, Vyjayanthi, I've heard so much about you." I fell in love with her.

In the car, father was unusually friendly. She and Vivek had been in the same group of friends in Ohio University. She now worked as a Child Psychologist.
She didn't seem to be too bad at family psychology either. She took out a shawl for grandmother, a saree for mother and Hyderabadi bangles for me. "Just some small things for you. I have to meet a professor at Madurai University, and it's so nice of you to let me stay", she said. Everyone cheered up.

Even grandmother smiled.

At lunch Sameera said, "This is so nice. When I make sambar, it comes out like chhole, and my chhole tastes just like sambar!"
Mother was smiling. "Oh just watch for two days and you'll pick it up."
Grandmother had never allowed a Muslim to enter the kitchen. But mother seemed to have taken charge and decided she would bring in who ever she felt was worthy.
Sameera circumspectly stayed out of the puja room. But on the third day, I was stunned to see father inviting her in and telling her which idols had come to him from his father. "God is one", he said to her. Sameera nodded sagely.
By the fifth day, I could see a common thought forming in the family's collective brain. If this fellow had to choose his own bride, why couldn't it be someone like Sameera?

On the sixth day, when Vivek called from the airport saying he had cut short his Guatemala trip and was on his way home, all had a million things to discuss with him.
Vivek arrived by taxi at a time when Sameera had gone to the University.
"So, how was Barbara's visit?" he asked blithely.
"How did you meet her?" mother sternly asked him.
"She's my secretary", he said. "She works very hard and she'll do anything to help." He turned and winked at me.

By the time Sameera returned home that evening, it was almost as if her joining the family was my grandmother and parents’ idea.
"Don't worry about anything. Just tell us if you are willing to marry Vivek", they said to Sameera, "And we will talk to your parents."

On the wedding day, a huge bouquet arrived at the Mantapam. The tag said: "Flight to India - $1300, Indian kurta - $5, Emetic to throw up - $1, The look on your parents' faces - Priceless. - As always yours, Barbara.”

ibn reports that one party does not give shit to another!

http://ibnlive.in.com/news/cong-did-not-initiate-1984-antisikh-riots/113969-37-64.html?from=tn

men are from mars - women from all over - an #email #forward!

got this via email this morning, old one- but hilarious! :)


A prime example of 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix .

The professor told his class one day, 'Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.'

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ----

THE STORY

(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary )
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. 'A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,' he said into his transgalactic communicator. 'Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...' But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. 'Congress Passed Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,' Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. 'Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?' she wondered wistfully..

( Gary )
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to
live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian
mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion
missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the
Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile
alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty
the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one
to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan..
The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded.
The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam ,
felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious
neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary
equivalent of Valium. 'Oh, shall I have chamomile tea?
Or shall I have some other sort of F**KING TEA??? Oh no,
what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads
too many Danielle Steele novels!'

(Rebecca)
Asshole!

( Gary )
Bitch!

(Rebecca)
F **K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

( Gary )
Go drink some tea - whore.


(TEACHER)
A + I really liked this

Men are lecherous

As a man, i should be defending my own kind by not saying such things, but yesterday - i witnessed the most hilarious and ludicrous display of male hormones, and this made me have to spill it out somewhere.

location - the gym
time - early morning

In the testosterone filled gym there is a lady who does her workout. Being a small gym, everyone does their own thing, finishes up and leaves. But yesterday was different. There was a new member. New members are fun to watch. They fall into three distinct categories.

a) first time gym goers
b) gym transfer candidates or
c) restarting gyming after a while.

How do you know which kind. Its pretty obvious. The first time gym goers dont know the stepper from the cross trainer or how to start a treadmill, they must have someone pressing the button and telling them how to do it. The enthusiasm generally gets them moving much faster than their body would like, and then you see them falling like leaves or sitting down after a session on the treadmill- which in reality completly undoes everything that has been done before that.

So, this new member, of the same species comes in. like a middle aged man who is trying to look hep, he stood out of the crowd like a lobster in a sea of sardines. The shorts were pulled up to his navel, socks nearly reaching up to his knees and shoes. Quite a hilarious site if you actually had seen it.

Now, he is standing at the registration desk. Our lady walks past to get some weights to continue her routine. Like someone who has taken a concentrated shot of caffeine our man walks to the center of the room, and starts some really crazy ass routine of stretching. Now what inspired this sudden flash of adrenaline - is only one source. But the outcome was about 15 minutes of entertainment for the ones who noticed. I was trying hard not to laugh at him at his face, and covered my mouth to hide the smirk, but it WAS hard to avoid! :). IT was, for the lack of a better word, Ridiculous.

Usually the pattern is the same, notice... stare, lech, stare and then look elsewhere and busy. but in those few moments, i shudder to think of the thoughts that might have gone through the head. If a lady walks past, and most men, irrespective of age, location, nationality or educational qualification follow the very same steps- look, stare, lech, stare and then look busy.

Guess,this is life!

Holy Smoke- Highly Unholy! a #review - #Fail!

Firstly, when i started reading about this place, i was thinking to myself that finally, there appears to be one more steak place in Chennai. but sadly, i would dismiss this place completely. We spent 2 hours for 2 dishes, 1 starter and 2 deserts- hardly the time one would look at spending at an ambiance such as this. The prices on the menu "card" were exotic, yet the experience was far from the prices that were being paid. The menu "card" was printed paper stapled together. Some other patron had ticked on the menu card and crossed off certain dishes- must have been the job of a good Samaritan.

It had the prices of a fine dining, but none of the elements, be it ambience, music, food, quantities or even the experience, were fine dining. The arrangement of the food was a feeble attempt to undo the injustice being done in all other sectors. The music was inappropriate - but good. the only saving grace of the evening. YEt, it was way to loud.

I really don't know what Holy Smoke was trying to achieve, because it neither gives one the confidence of a great restaurant, nor does it deliver on the experience front. I for one would never go back there again nor would i recommend it.